Why am I so tired from acting fine?

Masking is acting fine

Nodding along when you lost the thread. Rehearsing a phone call. Five alarms so no one sees you forget. From outside, you look fine. That is the point.

A skill you learned early

Years of "sit still" and "pay attention" teach you to hide the parts that got you in trouble. It worked. That is why it stuck.

It is why it was missed for so long

If you coped well enough, no one looked closer. Many people, often women, only start to recognise themselves as adults, after years of looking fine.

The cost shows up at home

You hold it together at work and fall apart on the sofa. The people closest to you get the tired version, because that is where the mask comes off.

Find where you can unmask

One friend, one room, one group where you do not have to perform. Being yourself for an hour a week refills more than any nap.

Drop one mask at a time

You do not have to stop all at once. Try "sorry, I lost you, can you say that again?" instead of nodding. Small, honest, and lighter.

Plan rest after big rooms

A wedding, a workshop, a long day of meetings. Book quiet time straight after, the way you would book the ride home. The crash is coming either way.